Joke of the Day – Tax Cuts – As Explained By A Democrat

Tax Cuts – As Explained By A Democrat
If you don’t understand the Democrats’ version of tax cuts (and you are not alone), maybe this will help explain it:

50,000 people go to a baseball game, but the game was rained out. A refund was then due

The team was about to mail refunds when the Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out refund amounts based on the Democrat National Committee’s interpretation of fairness.

After all, if the refunds were made based on the price each person paid for the tickets, most of the money would go to the ticket holders of the most expensive tickets. That would be unfair and unconscionable.

People in the $10 seats will get back $15, because they have less money to spend. Call it an “Earned Income Ticket Credit.” Persons “earn” it by demonstrating little ambition, few skills and poor work habits, thus keeping them at entry-level wages.

People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because that’s only fair.

People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don’t need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, then they must not be paying enough taxes.

People in the $75 luxury seats will have to pay another $50, because they have way too much to spend.

The people driving (or walking) by the stadium who couldn’t afford to watch the game will get $10 each, even though they didn’t pay anything in, because they need the most help (sometimes known as Affirmative Action!).

Now do you understand?

If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance.

Definitions

Definitions

CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of
running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give
the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
`remove’ all the germs.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub’ ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in
the rearview mirror.

EIFFELITES (eye’ ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at
the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay’ shun) n. The mistaken notion that the
more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto
the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally
decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open
here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
`illegal’ side.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETONIC (peh ton’ ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front
of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting
the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re
only six inches away.

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.

Now you understand the difference between Republicans & Democrats.

Clean Joke Baby Names

A husband and wife were expecting their newborn baby boy.

"We will name him Jacob after me," said the husband.

"No, I want to name him Taylor," said the wife.

"Taylor is a girls name", the disappointed husband replied.

"No it's not", replied the wife. "

I don't want my son to be named after a female country singer," shouted the husband.

"Fine" said the wife.

The soon to be dad smiled and said "I can't wait to play football with him and watch NASCAR".

The mom smiled and said, "I don't think you have to wait must longer... my water just broke!!!"

So, they rushed to the hospital and soon the baby was being delivered. The husband and wife were so excited.

As the baby popped out the dad said, "Jacob you are gonna be a star!!!"

The the doctors laid the baby on its mommy's belly and said, "Congratulations, its a new baby girl"!!!

"Well Taylor it is", laughed the mom.

Clean Joke of the day Chatty Parrot

There was a family that had a parrot that was always embarrassing them by cussing and other stuff like that.

So one day the boy took the parrot and stuck him in the freezer.Two hours later the squawking stopped.

The kid checked the freezer and the parrot said, "Okay I'll stop cussing, but I have one question".

The boy said, "What"?

The Parrot asks, "What did the turkey do"???

Clean Joke of the Day

A woman visitor to the city entered a taxicab. No sooner was the door closed than the car leaped forward violently, and afterward went racing wildly along the street, narrowly missing collision with innumerable things. The passenger, naturally enough, was terrified. She thrust her head through the open window of the door, and shouted at the chauffeur:

"Please, be careful, sir! I'm nervous. This is the first time I ever rode in a taxi."

The driver yelled in reply, without turning his head:

"That's all right, ma'am. It's the first time I ever drove one!"

Clean Joke of the Day

The cultured maid servant announced to her mistress, wife of the profiteer:

"If you please, ma'am, there's a mendicant at the door."

The mistress sniffed contemptuously:

"Tell 'im there's nothin' to mend."